a couple a sad songs

Tōth

 
Street Date: November 5th, 2018
 

 

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1. Copilot 04:03

“Copilot” is a song about facing the devastating loss of that person most important to you with some sort of acceptance and gratitude.

It was the first of many songs that came to Alex Toth in the most emotional time of his life, after a breakup with his partner, with whom he had seen many hard and beautiful times. Having just completed a meditation retreat, Toth applied those teachings and sought to be with the grief directly while not obsessing over it, which he says, due to the intensity of the sadness, “would have probably destroyed me!”

Sonically, the song is sparse yet builds to a head bobbing and dynamic chorus. Lush strings, whistling, and light mystical percussion complement the ethereal acoustic guitar and falsetto vocals. Toth’s love of artists like Arthur Russell, Sibylle Baier, and Brian Wilson are evident, as well as his background as a bebop jazz trumpet player.

LYRICS:

i don’t not want to let you go
i let you go i let you go
i guess there wasn’t any other way

i thought you were my copilot
how will i ever run this ship
without you by my side to navigate

[whistle pre]

CHORUS:

thought you were my copilot na na na
my copilot na na na na na
now i know that you were just taking me for a ride
and thats alright it was a beautiful ride

my loneliness is on your dime
painted lady of my life
drifting through the Appalachian plains

admit it you’re a butterfly
you always knew you’d leave my side (hiding from a cacoon inside)
you were just waiting for your wings to change

[Chorus]

a memory of sunlight in a Massachusetts square
as i watch the idea of our child vanish in the air
guess i was pretty clueless as you covered me with sand
was this always your plan?

[Chorus]

just admit it you’re a butterfly
yeah just admit you’re a butterfly
you were just waiting for your wings to dry
yeah you were just waiting for your wings to dry

2. No Reason 03:30

In a way “No Reason” lyrically encompasses much of what I’ve learned in my efforts to heal/transform from both a major breakup and alcoholism recovery via therapy and meditation (Taoist/Buddhist vibes) over the past 5 years. To be happy regardless of external conditions is a near impossible but totally worthwhile striving imo. The recording was self-produced/recorded in my living room and then sent off to a couple buddies for cello and ‘cosmic dust’ overdubs. Also worth note: it has my first bebop trumpet solo on record in over 10 years. JAZZ BABY !!

LYRICS

I wanna be happy for no reason
like the sun rising exactly
in every season

I wanna be free,
I wanna believe
That all of my dreams
Keep waking up
And I wanna love
I wanna be touched
But softly at first

I wanna be happy for no reason
Like the sun rising exactly
In every season

You’ve been here before
You opened the door
You walked straight on through
There’s nothing to do
And nothing is wrong
If nothing is right
We’re happy now and
Yes we practice magic

[instrumental]

I wanna be free,
I wanna believe
That all of my dreams
Keep waking up
And I wanna love
I wanna be touched
But softly at first

[instrumental]

You’ve been here before
You opened the door
You walked straight on through
There’s nothing to do
And nothing is wrong
If nothing is right
We’re happy now and
Yes we practice magic

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